Monday, December 21, 2009

Lonely celebration

Yahoo, my grades are posted! I didn't make the deadline, I was an hour and 6 minutes late. At least the registrar didn't CHASE ME down the hall to get my grades!

A friend rescued me by taking Boy for a few hours this afternoon, and her house is close to my favorite restaurant. I decided after I picked Boy up that we should celebrate by going to dinner, my half-pint date and I.

If I were in the restaurant alone (without Boy), I would have felt rather awkward. Some people can dine alone with no problems. Other than traveling I feel weird doing it. Several years ago, I decided that it was sign of insecurity, and well, who wants to be insecure?!?! So I forced myself to go to a few restaurants and movies alone. I don't know if that helped, the point is pretty moot now anyway. Its rare that I don't have the Boy in tow.

This was a nice restaurant, not fancy, but I questioned bringing a food spitter, napkin tearer, and clear-the-table-with-a-quick-wipe-of-the-arm-er. I didn't feel awkward eating solo because I directed my attention to Boy, teaching him to drink from a straw for the first time, and giving him warm tea. He hated everything I ordered for dinner, but I was able to catch 80% of the food he spit, threw, or wiped on the floor. A few women came by during dinner and engaged him with smiles and coos- that was nice.

I have to say that I MUCH rather would have gone as a family. It felt like we were missing something on our dinner. And managing the Boy made it hard to really relax and enjoy my own dinner. Getting him in his coat, managing the check, my purse and the glasses case (that he would absolutely not release) was like stacking basketballs. I set the Boy down on his feet to sign the credit card receipt and he was grabbing for the keg behind the bar before I could scribble my first name. I guess I have to get used to going out alone (with my half-pint date, I mean), or staying at home all the time. Both feel lonely to me at some level. Right now I feel a little more sad than satisfied and celebratory. But only a little...

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