Decision not finished about day care, but I am at peace.

Thanks readers and responders to my last post. I have taken your comments seriously. Though the decision still rests on my husband, I have voiced my opinion and suddenly feel settled about the whole thing. I want to get an Au Pair.

We will have to take out a loan (the dreaded-but-somewhat-justifiable-of-course-there's-strings-attached In-Law Loan). If Hub disagrees strongly enough and wants to put the kids in a Kid Farm (large institutional daycare), then I will agree with him. See, Hub has very good instincts (took me YEARS to learn that lesson) and is very gentle. So If he guns strongly for something, that's it. That's what needs to be done. There's a strange peace in knowing that the coin only has two sides.

I'll keep you posted to any new developments. Keep commenting though!!!

Help! Au Pair or Day Care?

Getting ready for sabbatical. I worked my entire social network to try to find a live-in Nanny. We got two candidates, both of which withdrew their applications shortly after their graduation. One said she got a job in her field. The other didn't specify. I fell apart a little, but that's for another post.

A live-in Nanny or Au pair (foreign student worker) is really the only way we can afford childcare during my sabbatical in Very Expensive City, because we can deduct the "rent" from our basement apartment from their salary. Or else we can put the kids in an institutional day care like one of those big day care chains for half time (then who takes care of them for the rest of the time?).

A friend suggested an Au Pair because we have a room for one. They have a steep upfront cost for which we would have to take out a loan, but the monthly costs (at least the published ones) are within our budget. Au Pairs are also extremely flexible in scheduling.  I fantasize about this person speaking in their native language to our kids part time, and being a part of the family. I also fantasize about not having the fight to get them dressed and stuffed into a car seat every morning. In this same fantasy, the kids learn at breakneck speed with all the individual attention. And more realistically, if the kids weren't happy, we could "rematch" with a lot of support from the agency. Hub is worried that the kids won't be socialized well. I fantasize that we will make a social network of other kids relatively easily through churches or intentional organizations or Mommy groups.

In the institutional day care, there will be a curriculum, lots of supervision of the kids' caregivers and lots of socialization. However in this particular day care, they have been cited recently for a very stupid abusive treatment of a child. However, that caregiver is long gone, I'm sure. This is the only one that has openings in the area we will live and work.

I realize that on Sabbatical one is to rest but still get scholarship accomplished. The kids don't have to be in day care for 40 hours, but I can't imagine getting a great project accomplished in a year working half time. Besides, part of the ideas was to relieve the heavy burden of being the kids sole caregiver for major portions of the week.

Please? Suggestions? Experiences? Thoughts?

Update on Crap:

From this post: http://thetwobodyproblem.blogspot.com/2012/12/crap-i-may-have-real-problem.html

in which I struggle with the idea that I may have a true (but mild) case of ADD, a diagnosis I had blown off earlier.

I added this comment...
Update. Spring 2013: I have been taking a very low dose of methylphenidate during the work week for about a month. There is a clear improvement in my life.

1. I CAN concentrate better. It is not a panacea, it still takes effort of will. That balance of drug/effort eases my discomfort with the idea of a "crutch". I feel calmer and more "with it".

2. I don't just crash after work into a short-tempered, unmotivated mess. And I can still sleep.

3. I'm losing weight. I don't think it's the drug per se, since I was losing weight before I started taking it. I think it allows me to have a bit more energy to exercise, and a bit more cognitive power to resist comfort foods and fast foods.

4. It actually puts me at social ease, since I don't rely on coffee anymore to help me work. Coffee makes me really irritable, and there are times after drinking coffee that I just hate everybody.

Sabbatical Falling into Place 2: A Place to live there

Hub has a basement apartment in big Suburb where he spends three nights a a week. His lovely, lovely landlady has decided that she would like to go on a once-in-a-lifetime trip far away; buying a one way ticket.
She would like to rent the whole house out to us. We agreed. It's expensive, but a fair market price, AND importantly, it has a basement apartment... which can lessen our expenses by allowing us to host a live-in nanny. More on that soon.

Sabbatical Falling into Place 1: Our house

Our house: we have a 15 year mortgage, which means our monthly mortgage payment is higher than the market rental price for this size o' house. We were counting on taking a monthly loss on the house. Solution: enter a group of 6 (yes, 6) rising seniors who want to live together in an intentional community. Nice kids, I know most of them. They are like, WOAH, this house is BIG and CHEAP compared to the dorms! We are like, WOAH, we're going to have to charge more for such a big crowd! (mortgage covered!)

Hidden Losing

I offered to teach a summer course required for graduating seniors. After the enrollment period ended there was only one person enrolled. I assumed that running the course wouldn't even be considered by the university. The dean's office replied that I had the choice of taking on this student or not for an independent study. I don't know this person, so I said no, tentatively.

I would reconsider if the student showed initiative and was a strong student. If Stu would have shown up at my door earlier and asked about it or shown any sort of interest in the course that was obvious to me I would have told the Dean's office right away that I would take Stu. But I'm not going to reach out to Stu, asking this person to take a course from me over summer. 

I wonder if students realize that they *do* have some power over what seems like strict institutional guidelines? They do, at least in an institution like ours.

Shared research equipment woes, PUI-style

Yes, we have all endured the frustration that goes on when one person doesn't uphold the lab/ departmental standards of cleanliness or handling of equipment.We usually communicate this in a lab meeting segment I call "shared-use bitching".

I am reminded of a story in my post-doc lab (overseas). Due to culture and cost, the only allowed use for blue nitrile gloves was handling ethidium bromide. If one saw a blue nitrile glove lying about, it was assumed to be contaminated with this highly toxic material. I recall a lab meeting in which the normal "shared-use bitching" started with someone silently opening a PowerPoint in which there was a picture of a blue nitrile glove lying on the kitchen counter next to the coffee machine. A collective gasp went up among the 30 or so members of the audience. The lab head said, "You realize zat zis is absolutely unacceptable, no?"

No one ever fessed up to that (wasn't ME!).




In research-based institutions there are regular lab meetings, and their shared-use bitching is a helpful communication medium that increases the chances that trouble is mostly minor, can be repaired relatively easily, and that slackers get corrected in a reasonable amount of time.

In an undergraduate institution, there are no meetings regarding shared-use equipment. Moreover, undergraduates are left alone unsupervised in the lab for long stretches, and some equipment is only needed once in a blue moon. Equipment problems are harder to catch and correct in time.

I was infuriated but not surprised when I found this recently:

Figure 1:  An SS34 rotor with two non-high speed centrifuge tubes wedged in permanently,  heavy corrosion from salt, and some rust around the bolts.Note to non-specialists, this can create a dangerous situation if a rotor fails under high speed.

Figure 2: A shaker with multiple dried bacterial cultures, scraps of paper towel strewn about, mysterious white powder, and new corrosion.

I stopped to talk face to face with several colleagues about it, all of which basically gave me the "I didn't do it, not MY problem" response. 

What are your "shared-use equipment bitching" stories?