Well its about time fergodssake.

I'm just finishing the draft of a manuscript of the work my students did in the lab about four years ago. I could spout to you about lack of time, etc., but the plain fact is that I procrastinated royally because 1. There was little external motivation to do so. Even going up for tenure my colleagues wrote that I was lacking in research publications, while still assuring me that things were looking good, 2. I must have some psychological fear of writing it. Am I afraid to look foolish or incompetent? Probably, and 3. I could not force myself to concentrate until put under the gun of a firm external deadline.

I got an intramural salary grant to write this manuscript this summer, and the report is due soon. I have written the majority of it in a apoplectic session in the past 4 days. In my report I will state that it is finished and out for editing among scientific peers. Good thing is, my husband is a scientific peer. :) He's also a comma curmudgeon, so it goes to him first.

I'm totally beating myself up about the time it took to get this out. Internally motivated much? Able to act professionally and accomplish what needs to be done despite fear much? Going to do well on your sabbatical where your peers have done this many, many times?

My deepest prayer is that by getting over the energy barrier, it will become much easier the next time (oh, yes we have the data for two... boom).
  

Crap. I may have a real problem.

I wrote that I could hardly handle it the last two years because my daughter didn't sleep well:

http://thetwobodyproblem.blogspot.com/2011/05/may-term-straggler-work-and-looks-like.html
http://thetwobodyproblem.blogspot.com/2011/06/sugar-pill-works-sometimes.html

and especially

http://thetwobodyproblem.blogspot.com/2011/09/9-12-3-6-in-9-12-3-6-out.html

After complaining to the family doc about this every check-up, he finally referred us to a specialist. To the specialist we said, we have a girl who sleeps like some of her relatives that have some serious mental health issues. We think she's fine, but also know enough to realize she has some risk. We want tips on how to parent to make her more resilient, should her biology be unkind to her.

Specialist started asking questions about Girl and they were all yes, yes, yes.
She turns to me and says, "Have you ever had a diagnosis?"
"Me? No, not MY side... I did get medicine once for ADD, but it think my thyroid was off or something". "Hmm. Your daughter is far too young to have a diagnosis, and we wouldn't dream of medicating her, but the sleep problems are a harbinger of SOMETHING neurochemical being off. You need to watch her for AD/HD"

Holy crud. I thought it wasn't from my side, but Her Cuteness may have a focusing problem. From me.

Look back at this post:

http://thetwobodyproblem.blogspot.com/2010/07/thoughts-on-capacity-1.html
In which I describe how I can't perform well in a lab like "successful scientists" because I can't focus.

and this

http://thetwobodyproblem.blogspot.com/2012/07/stages-of-procrastination.html
In which I nearly diagnose myself.

and
http://thetwobodyproblem.blogspot.com/2010/07/thoughts-on-capacity-2.html
Can't figure out for the life of me why I can't get done what I have to.

and
http://thetwobodyproblem.blogspot.com/2012/06/this-summers-activities-1.html
Can't make myself write to save my life.

OK, before you get in a huff about Girl, here's our plan: 1. NOT be hypersensitive to ADD signs, just going to let her be 2 years old (and 3 and 4 and 5). 2. Not going to tell her teachers anything to avoid unnecessary labeling. 3. Going to follow the Doc's plan about getting her to sleep. 4. Going to dig in our heels against any kind of medicine until it is very clear she would benefit, and we have exhausted ALL cognitive methods. If, *IF * she *certainly* has a problem.

Now, ME. I have finished developing. I got a Ph.D by using cognitive methods only (though there may have been some unnecessary struggle there). We can discuss cognitive style versus pathology if you'd like. But I can say that I have reached the limits of my capacity. Maybe I will start to take that bottle of meds I've been ignoring for about 3 years. What do you think?

Signs of Adjunct/ Assistant Abuse?

Looking for an alternative hypothesis to
This seems to be a department/ institution that has "Walmart-ized" their workforce (keeping ranks low and using many adjuncts).

Came across a website for a science department of a medium sized university.

1. There were the same number of adjuncts listed as full-time faculty. All adjuncts had masters or lower.
2. Of the full-time faculty, only about a third were listed as associate or higher. Therefore, of the teaching force listed on the website, only 15% are tenured.
3. The website did not post credentials of many of the faculty other than where they got their degrees. Of the Assistant Professors, they didn't seem in their pictures to particularly young.
4. A few Assistant Professors listed the time they had been in the department. Several had been there since before 2000.
5. There were as many Lecturers as Assistant Profs.


Here, I'll start it off. Alternative Hypothesis 1. Everyone gets paid well enough that they don't feel the need to advance in ranks.

Would you "Tiger Mom" to save $9000?

Boy was born two weeks after the cutoff deadline for kindergarten. So next fall he will be 5 minus two weeks, and therefore ineligible to enter kindergarten. The following year, when I return from sabbatical, he will be 6 minus two weeks, and can start school as one of the oldest in his class. We were content with this arrangement until we realized that the cost of putting Boy in daycare in Suburb will be about $9000 for the length of my sabbatical. If we can get him into the public Kindergarten by petition, the cost will be $0. However, as expected, there are certain skills he needs to master before he can be considered for a special waiver. He has a lot of those skills already, but we will need to be a bit more directive in his play for the next 9 months to make sure he has ALL of the skills. So my new role is Homeschooling Preschool Mom (evenings and weekends), a la Tiger Mom Amy Chua. I exaggerate of course. If he's not ready, we won't do it. I have read Malcom Gladwell, too. I know the older kids get more attention in Kindergarten, and end up doing better. He seems to be on track, though, and I think, why not?? Your thoughts?

Thanks for neglecting my e-mail

Because of the guilt associated with not applying to the position near my Dad, I took one last stab to see if it was truly not to be (I put my fleece out). I composed a brief and polite e-mail listing my qualifications, why I want to apply, and asking whether they would consider hiring at a position other than at Assistant Professor. This was spurred by a suggestion by nicoleandmaggie in the comments of the original post.

Well, It's been a week and a half and I have heard nothing. Moreover, I took a closer look at the faculty and their qualifications. I could probably be happy there, but my present institution boasts better faculty credentials. Well, good. That's peace-giving.

Dilemma 2 Redux- Unhelpful advice

Still chicken to apply for two jobs together near my Dad (see here), I came up with the suggestion that Hub ask his "boss" whether he thought Hub was ready to move on. This was meant to be a way to gain entry to the subject of applying. Hub approached his PI who then waxed at length about the future of the project, including Hub at every stage and in the end said "I and Colleague (my sabbatical host) have been really impressed with PUI Prof. We're hoping to expand our program and looking to add new people, especially at the undergraduate level. She could use her sabbatical to really get her foot in the door here."

Semi-wrong non-answer, Boss! Yes, we want to solve the Two-Body Problem. Being together there would do that (insert me whining about life in soulless suburb in a glorified instructor position, still far from family).  I would consider it, especially since it's all about compromise, right?

http://sciencecareers.sciencemag.org/career_development/previous_issues/articles/0000/partners_in_science_part_two_looking_for_and_negotiating_faculty_jobs_together/

But that sheds no light on what to do right now. I talk to my Dad every night on the phone, and it is abundantly clear that he would like to have me around, nearly begging for me to come home at Thanksgiving- two weeks after I was there last. UGH. I love him so much, I do want to. But...

New Dilemma; Need your advice

I mentioned in a recent post that a position may open at my institution that Hub could qualify for, with some caveats. I have heard nothing from the department members in question regarding a search, so that issue has settled down a bit. Moreover, I just got a a letter in my box that I have been approved for a sabbatical next year (it was competitive). HOORAY! We will be together next year, but with some financial consequences.

Here's the new development: my Dad in hometown (very far away) just had a triple bypass. He has recently lost his wife and is alone at home. In fact, I am writing from his kitchen table because I flew here to be with him for a few days. There are sibs around, but I don't like relying on them for his care. I feel he is at a crossroads with his health, where he could start a long-term decline, or could turn around.

There is a position being advertised at Hometown U that would be a lateral move for me. They advertised for an assistant tenure-track prof in my specialty. I'm assuming I could negotiate a higher position. In addition, there is a job at Nearby R01 for which Hub may qualify. Making his application deadline would be heroic, as he has something VERY BIG project-wise right beforehand that he is working on. And for those in the know, yes, Hub did agree without fuss to apply for an assistant prof/PI slot.

The timing is really bad career-wise to apply for those jobs. I would have just gotten my sabbatical, and would have to skip the year. Hub will be finishing a huge project next year, a four-year long project that he headed. Leaving just as it was being published/ brought to market/ going live/ would be very bad for the project. We would both have to ask for letters of reccomendation from our current colleagues, making it obvious we were trying to leave. Thing is, we aren't trying to leave. We would ONLY take these positions if we both got the jobs, and my feeling is that it's a longshot. Moreover, I'm pretty happy in my current position and very happy with the institutional culture, so its hard to imagine a change that would be good, career-wise. Yet, we could be together and near Dad and family in a less desirable, but still acceptable, place. Hub has said he really wants to end up near family.

So do we apply? What do we say to our colleagues? We're going to play the lottery and ask you for a letter of reccommendation for a position we most likely won't get- don't worry, we aren't trying to leave? But if the stars do align, we're leaving? Sorry, sabbatical host, I'm not coming to work in your lab after all. Dear current empoyer, can I take a leave of absence for two years to take another position to be with my Dad for a while, then come back if I don't like it? It all sounds ridiculous. Or is it ridiculous not to apply because the timing is bad, despite being good family-wise, and its a long-shot chance to solve the two body problem.