I mentioned in a recent post that a position may open at my institution that Hub could qualify for, with some caveats. I have heard nothing from the department members in question regarding a search, so that issue has settled down a bit. Moreover, I just got a a letter in my box that I have been approved for a sabbatical next year (it was competitive). HOORAY! We will be together next year, but with some financial consequences.
Here's the new development: my Dad in hometown (very far away) just had a triple bypass. He has recently lost his wife and is alone at home. In fact, I am writing from his kitchen table because I flew here to be with him for a few days. There are sibs around, but I don't like relying on them for his care. I feel he is at a crossroads with his health, where he could start a long-term decline, or could turn around.
There is a position being advertised at Hometown U that would be a lateral move for me. They advertised for an assistant tenure-track prof in my specialty. I'm assuming I could negotiate a higher position. In addition, there is a job at Nearby R01 for which Hub may qualify. Making his application deadline would be heroic, as he has something VERY BIG project-wise right beforehand that he is working on. And for those in the know, yes, Hub did agree without fuss to apply for an assistant prof/PI slot.
The timing is really bad career-wise to apply for those jobs. I would have just gotten my sabbatical, and would have to skip the year. Hub will be finishing a huge project next year, a four-year long project that he headed. Leaving just as it was being published/ brought to market/ going live/ would be very bad for the project. We would both have to ask for letters of reccomendation from our current colleagues, making it obvious we were trying to leave. Thing is, we aren't trying to leave. We would ONLY take these positions if we both got the jobs, and my feeling is that it's a longshot. Moreover, I'm pretty happy in my current position and very happy with the institutional culture, so its hard to imagine a change that would be good, career-wise. Yet, we could be together and near Dad and family in a less desirable, but still acceptable, place. Hub has said he really wants to end up near family.
So do we apply? What do we say to our colleagues? We're going to play the lottery and ask you for a letter of reccommendation for a position we most likely won't get- don't worry, we aren't trying to leave? But if the stars do align, we're leaving? Sorry, sabbatical host, I'm not coming to work in your lab after all. Dear current empoyer, can I take a leave of absence for two years to take another position to be with my Dad for a while, then come back if I don't like it? It all sounds ridiculous. Or is it ridiculous not to apply because the timing is bad, despite being good family-wise, and its a long-shot chance to solve the two body problem.
If you apply, I would think colleagues would understand if you said "we are just applying to this one place because it would let me be near my sick dad; otherwise we would never have thought about it." That would certainly make sense to me. Sometimes it is possible to negotiate a delayed start so that you can take a sabbatical, although that would depend on your institution's rules about coming back after a leave. Could you write a rough draft of Hub's application that he could then revise, to save him a little time?
ReplyDeleteOK, advice: if you don't want to give the impression that you're trying to leave, don't apply. It sounds to me as though the probability of an upside is pretty low.
ReplyDeletewow... that's a really, *really* tough situation to be in, but as one half of a couple with the two body problem as well who lives far away (as in another country!) from family, my gut feeling would be, why not give it a shot? I hear you on the "heroic" push to meet the application deadline, I'm in the same bind for this application I want/need to submit for a TT position in the place I'm currently lecturing.
ReplyDeleteWell, in any case, congrats on the Sabbatical and I hope you and hubby can make a decision on this issue soon. Good luck with whatever happens!
p.s. Hi there! I have only recently began to read some of your posts -- I found you at feMOMhist & your blog's name caught my interest. I'm planning to add you to my blogroll.
So glad to "meet" you! Thanks for reading and especially for commenting.
DeleteI was going to say that it would be ridiculous not to apply, however, Ewan has a point. I guess I think "to be closer to my sick dad" makes it sound like a one-time application. I know the timing is terrible, though, although... it usually is.
ReplyDeleteHow is the work/life balance at all 3 schools? Is one significantly better at it, say either parent could leave early when necessary? Also if you and DH don't get job in home state - would your father move to your state?(and I so hear you about thoughtless and/or irresponsible relatives). Or if you both did got jobs in home state, would your father *let* DH help him if necessary? It seems like you also have to consider your father's mental and physical health in this situation; some people need some mental help to get physically better.
ReplyDeleteAnon, though not thoughtless or irresponsible, I do sometimes feel like the only voice of reason in the place (how self-important is that). For example leaving my seriously obese brother to help my Dad make heart-friendly lifestyle choices is like the proverbial fox guarding the henhouse...
DeleteI also just realized that there's a serious danger that if I do take a job I like less to help my Dad, I could be REALLY unhappy if he doesn't take my advice :) Am I having a eldest daughter thing??
In any case, the kids would see grandpaw far more often! Nothing negative about that.
No, it cases like with your father it's a good thing someone takes primary responsiblity. While they don't *need* help, they do better with help (doesn't everyone?). Also if your/his parent(s) can accept help now, it won't be such a fight later, when they do need help (like when you try to get them to stop cooking when they're 90+, so they don't burn the house down). It would be easier if your spouse could help in taking care of the kids and what your father may need, which makes the work/life attitudes of where you work now and where you might work very important to both of you. And if one place is better, either yours or your spouses, there are more options as far as how you can live your home life, even if the work part of it isn't ideal. (I meant thoughtless they way you're using it - lacking in common sense or reason, rather than not thinking of others.)
DeleteWe *cannot* hire someone for a position that isn't what we advertised in the ad. So if we say assistant professor, we cannot make an associate hire. This has something to do with being a state school in our state.
ReplyDeletePrivate schools generally have more lee-way. But I often field questions from potential applicants asking if it is worth it for them to apply to specific ads, especially for more senior hires. Can you contact someone at the school to get more information about the position?