Colder feet.

Everything seems to be a "go" on this house, EXCEPT...
We found three more houses on that block with similar configuration and pricing within our range. This has changed things considerably.

1. We feel less rushed. Our "upgrade" is still priced the cheapest, but it doesn't suddenly feel like it will be snatched out from under us.

2. The outdated wall coverings, light fixtures, and sinks/showers bother me now a bit more.

3. We are wondering if the good feeling we had about this house was due to comparison to the crappy houses we had seen before it.

We will look at one of the "upgrade"'s competitors, let's call it: FSBO because both owners have been long term unemployed but don't really want to leave and have recently sunk a lot of money remodeling it to the gills so can't go down on price with an elaborate garden that is frankly conservatory-worthy and therefore intimidating to people like us who can barely get our trash out on the proper day and is on the very upper limit of our willingness to pay but could be a great investment.

Or let's call it the "stretch" for short.

Stretch is about $20-$22k more than upgrade, but has a full basement (more sq ft total) and nearly 3/4 acre land in the city (upgrade has 1/3 acre)...one more bath than upgrade, and one less car garage. Stretch might afford more flexibility in closing, i.e. be willing to tolerate a "we sell before we buy" contingency than upgrade.

And our real estate agent is pessimistic about the sale of out house. This hasn't changed much, but its sinking in now. We are getting a bit of cold feet right now.

Advice?

More good news.

Had an evaluation with the dept chair today. It's new this year for the chair to meet with each individual faculty year-end and discuss our yearly reports and "goals". I think it has something to do with the new provost...

Anyway, he seemed slightly uncomfortable, as in "I prefer to be your colleague that does chair paperwork for course release, rather than your boss who evaluates you". In any case, I used the opportuninity to ask flat-out what my chances are of getting tenure in two years, because well, we're looking at houses.

He said, "Your chances are excellent".

:) Well, that makes me happy.

itty bitty unrelated vent

If I read the phrase "super excited" embedded somewhere in my cousin's Facebook status update for the 4th time this week, I just MIGHT have to make a snarky comment. Barf.
Like, gag me with a spoon!

Move to a bigger house? deux.

Looked at the "upgrade" house again (see last post). It still seems as good as we originally thought, but we did find two others in the same neighborhood for a few $10K's more. That makes us feel less rushed. We need to look at these before we make an offer on the "upgrade" house.

Was able to get into the mortgage guy at our credit union first thing this AM, before hub had to commute. Even better news than we imagined. We generally only look at houses with my salary in mind. Mortgage Guy says that considering my salary, we can afford this house, but must sell first. With both salaries in mind, its not critical that we sell before we buy. Carrying two mortgages for a month or two is undesirable but possible. It may be part of what we have to do.

Having "that talk" again.

With another kid on the way we have been very casually looking at bigger houses. Read here for our original thoughts about moving from a 3 br to a 4 br with two kids. And read here about what we decided back in January. Geez! I didn't realize it had been so long that we were thinking of moving!

Anyway, we half-heartedly looked at a few houses today and found a PERFECT one. In fact, because of the low interest rates, our monthly payments will only increase by $100 for a VASTLY improved home (upgrades: another bedroom, two car garage (we park on the street now) expansive deck, 10,000 sq ft of yard (we have about 30 sq ft of grass now) better kitchen, usable basement, sun room, quiet street, very sunny throughout. It is THE house that we would be willing to lose a little money on our current house for.

Now we are back to the discussion of what do we do about this two body problem? Is Small City truly going to be our home? If we buy a home here are we putting my career (TT vs non-TT) over yours? Can you live with that idea? Are we committing to four more years of commuter marriage? Are you sure there's NOTHING you can do here in town? Etc. Etc.

And all this at a time when Hub comes home weekends truly pining for time with Boy, missing the Boy terribly, shedding a tear upon reuniting with the Boy. This other house is so good for us we are ready to move on it, but upgrading homes takes away the possibility of the family moving to be near Dad. It commits us to this place, and to the primacy of my job.

I AM so grateful that I have a husband with whom I can communicate well. We can talk about these things openly and honestly. He is very easy-going but not a doormat, a nice balance to my strong personality. And he pulls his weight in major decision making. So here we go with another phase of major decision making.

Sunday we look at the house again. Monday before Hub leaves to go back to his work, we will talk to the mortgage guy. And we may make an offer this week. I'll keep you updated...

Your persistence has paid off, young one.

A student e-mailed me recently who had to take her final late. She had gotten a 78.5% in my class and therefore I turned in a C+ grade for her to the registrar. She said she wanted to talk to me about her grade, and despite the prospect of an hour of grade grubbing, I agreed to a meeting.

We calculated that she needed about 16 more points to raise her grade to a B- and she just wanted to check over her assignments and old tests (which were in my office). She was respectful and spent time adding up her points and checking her assignments. She found two grading errors- one on an exam, and one in recording a missing assignment (she said she has it at home, graded. If she produces the assignment with a written grade in my handwriting, she gets full credit for it). The total sum of the points: 17.

This is a student who I was particularly fond of, but was not going to give her the grade illegitimately. So when it seemed like she was going to get her B- through her persistence, I was particularly proud.

Survival: Paying for Services

Hub's PI/ Mentor is a brilliant guy, tenured at MRU (Major Research U), and is married to an equally impressive wife (also tenured at MRU). Here's the kicker; they have 4 kids, two of which are pre-school aged. Minus the solved two-body problem, these folks have all of our problems, multiplied (raised to the power?). During a lab outing, Hub asked him how they did it. He said, we have a lot of help. What he meant was they hire away a lot of household work. For example, if the car needs to go to the shop in the middle of the day, they hire someone to do it, and don't waste their time on such things.

Okay.

We are doing that to some degree. We have a young woman who comes in for four hours a week and does housework. That is very helpful, and keeps the invading ants at bay since I can't seem to manage getting all the food and dirty dishes taken care of while wrangling a toddler. By necessity, I have to hire a babysitter on average 1-2 times a week for the evenings (church league volleyball, yoga, evening meetings). I would like to hire someone to weed my yard/ garden, too, but haven't checked that off the list. These services do make life saner! I am very grateful that the help we have is reliable and good.

The weekend at Fun Place was another example of paying for conveniences/ services. We stayed on the premises of Fun Place, so we could simply walk out of the lobby and be there. No transporting stuff and a child, all of which adds to the chaos and wear-n-tear. We also used the Bell Staff and Valet, which again was so much easier.

This may be second nature to some. Some of you may be thinking "no duh". Hub's family is certainly amenable to the idea. But it engenders a bit of conflict in me. I grew up in a place where if someone "worked like a ranch hand" that was a high compliment. With two grandmothers who worked crappy jobs to put themselves through the great depression, there was a strong mentality that you didn't pay people to do things you can do yourself. As a teenager and college student, I spent many-a-school break under the car with my Dad repairing stuff on my clunker car. My folks remodeled their own house (and the results, though fine, were clearly NOT professional). This mentality obviously still lingers, as I find myself rolling my eyes at the friends I have that have nannies.

Moreover, a clear distinction between Hub's PI and us is, well, their income is a multiple of ours. Though services do make life more manageable, they cost. For us they cost a significant percentage of our income. For example:

Day care: $160 / week
Housecleaning: 4 hours * $10 per hour = $40 / week
Babysitting: approx 4 hours * $8 per hour = $32 / week

That doesn't include garden help or painters, etc.

So we pay on the range of $220-$250 / week for services i.e. $1000 per month!!!!

That's more than our mortgage, and about 1/4 of MY income!!! YIKES! (Hub makes less that I do.)

Is it worth it? Well, the day care is a given. Granted, I could cut it off in the summer and not work (the work I do in the summer is unpaid; read here, here, and here). But I want to keep working, especially to get ready for the semester I return from maternity leave. Besides, the days that I do have Boy alone all day (especially the unplanned ones) have convinced me that I am NOT stay-at-home Mom material (read here ).

Now that it's summer, I could drop the Housecleaning. Our person will be leaving in July, but the new baby is coming in August, and I simply can't imagine getting all that stuff done with a new baby and a toddler. ALONE. We *have* to hire someone then. Might as well just keep her on for another month and load up on organizational projects and stuff that won't get done for another couple of years.

The babysitting seems pretty important, otherwise I would not get out in the evenings. I felt so isolated and lonely this past semester that the evening socializing seems important, too- although this is a bit iffy. Do I REALLY need to be playing church league volleyball 7 months pregnant? eeeh. (but I LIKE it). The yoga is a definite yes. Absolutely. It makes me sooo happy. :) The other stuff is relatively rare.

There are several other considerations about frequent use of services:
1. It takes organization... so it still requires work
2. It changes your mentality about what you are willing to do... I do dishes less now even when I can. This is a dangerous slippery slope.
3. You have to find people you trust with your child and alone in your house.
4. It adds to Mommyguilt (i.e. some evening I see Boy for only 1 hour)
5. Its money that just "goes away" unlike spending on something you can resell later. It is NOT a good investment monetarily.

Right now, Hub and I chalk it up to simple survival. That seems right. I hope that in 3 or so years things will be manageable, and we can cut back... Or if Hub can COME HOME (or we can be together in some way). But right now, it certainly helps us survive.