Move to a bigger house? deux.

Looked at the "upgrade" house again (see last post). It still seems as good as we originally thought, but we did find two others in the same neighborhood for a few $10K's more. That makes us feel less rushed. We need to look at these before we make an offer on the "upgrade" house.

Was able to get into the mortgage guy at our credit union first thing this AM, before hub had to commute. Even better news than we imagined. We generally only look at houses with my salary in mind. Mortgage Guy says that considering my salary, we can afford this house, but must sell first. With both salaries in mind, its not critical that we sell before we buy. Carrying two mortgages for a month or two is undesirable but possible. It may be part of what we have to do.

Having "that talk" again.

With another kid on the way we have been very casually looking at bigger houses. Read here for our original thoughts about moving from a 3 br to a 4 br with two kids. And read here about what we decided back in January. Geez! I didn't realize it had been so long that we were thinking of moving!

Anyway, we half-heartedly looked at a few houses today and found a PERFECT one. In fact, because of the low interest rates, our monthly payments will only increase by $100 for a VASTLY improved home (upgrades: another bedroom, two car garage (we park on the street now) expansive deck, 10,000 sq ft of yard (we have about 30 sq ft of grass now) better kitchen, usable basement, sun room, quiet street, very sunny throughout. It is THE house that we would be willing to lose a little money on our current house for.

Now we are back to the discussion of what do we do about this two body problem? Is Small City truly going to be our home? If we buy a home here are we putting my career (TT vs non-TT) over yours? Can you live with that idea? Are we committing to four more years of commuter marriage? Are you sure there's NOTHING you can do here in town? Etc. Etc.

And all this at a time when Hub comes home weekends truly pining for time with Boy, missing the Boy terribly, shedding a tear upon reuniting with the Boy. This other house is so good for us we are ready to move on it, but upgrading homes takes away the possibility of the family moving to be near Dad. It commits us to this place, and to the primacy of my job.

I AM so grateful that I have a husband with whom I can communicate well. We can talk about these things openly and honestly. He is very easy-going but not a doormat, a nice balance to my strong personality. And he pulls his weight in major decision making. So here we go with another phase of major decision making.

Sunday we look at the house again. Monday before Hub leaves to go back to his work, we will talk to the mortgage guy. And we may make an offer this week. I'll keep you updated...

Your persistence has paid off, young one.

A student e-mailed me recently who had to take her final late. She had gotten a 78.5% in my class and therefore I turned in a C+ grade for her to the registrar. She said she wanted to talk to me about her grade, and despite the prospect of an hour of grade grubbing, I agreed to a meeting.

We calculated that she needed about 16 more points to raise her grade to a B- and she just wanted to check over her assignments and old tests (which were in my office). She was respectful and spent time adding up her points and checking her assignments. She found two grading errors- one on an exam, and one in recording a missing assignment (she said she has it at home, graded. If she produces the assignment with a written grade in my handwriting, she gets full credit for it). The total sum of the points: 17.

This is a student who I was particularly fond of, but was not going to give her the grade illegitimately. So when it seemed like she was going to get her B- through her persistence, I was particularly proud.

Survival: Paying for Services

Hub's PI/ Mentor is a brilliant guy, tenured at MRU (Major Research U), and is married to an equally impressive wife (also tenured at MRU). Here's the kicker; they have 4 kids, two of which are pre-school aged. Minus the solved two-body problem, these folks have all of our problems, multiplied (raised to the power?). During a lab outing, Hub asked him how they did it. He said, we have a lot of help. What he meant was they hire away a lot of household work. For example, if the car needs to go to the shop in the middle of the day, they hire someone to do it, and don't waste their time on such things.

Okay.

We are doing that to some degree. We have a young woman who comes in for four hours a week and does housework. That is very helpful, and keeps the invading ants at bay since I can't seem to manage getting all the food and dirty dishes taken care of while wrangling a toddler. By necessity, I have to hire a babysitter on average 1-2 times a week for the evenings (church league volleyball, yoga, evening meetings). I would like to hire someone to weed my yard/ garden, too, but haven't checked that off the list. These services do make life saner! I am very grateful that the help we have is reliable and good.

The weekend at Fun Place was another example of paying for conveniences/ services. We stayed on the premises of Fun Place, so we could simply walk out of the lobby and be there. No transporting stuff and a child, all of which adds to the chaos and wear-n-tear. We also used the Bell Staff and Valet, which again was so much easier.

This may be second nature to some. Some of you may be thinking "no duh". Hub's family is certainly amenable to the idea. But it engenders a bit of conflict in me. I grew up in a place where if someone "worked like a ranch hand" that was a high compliment. With two grandmothers who worked crappy jobs to put themselves through the great depression, there was a strong mentality that you didn't pay people to do things you can do yourself. As a teenager and college student, I spent many-a-school break under the car with my Dad repairing stuff on my clunker car. My folks remodeled their own house (and the results, though fine, were clearly NOT professional). This mentality obviously still lingers, as I find myself rolling my eyes at the friends I have that have nannies.

Moreover, a clear distinction between Hub's PI and us is, well, their income is a multiple of ours. Though services do make life more manageable, they cost. For us they cost a significant percentage of our income. For example:

Day care: $160 / week
Housecleaning: 4 hours * $10 per hour = $40 / week
Babysitting: approx 4 hours * $8 per hour = $32 / week

That doesn't include garden help or painters, etc.

So we pay on the range of $220-$250 / week for services i.e. $1000 per month!!!!

That's more than our mortgage, and about 1/4 of MY income!!! YIKES! (Hub makes less that I do.)

Is it worth it? Well, the day care is a given. Granted, I could cut it off in the summer and not work (the work I do in the summer is unpaid; read here, here, and here). But I want to keep working, especially to get ready for the semester I return from maternity leave. Besides, the days that I do have Boy alone all day (especially the unplanned ones) have convinced me that I am NOT stay-at-home Mom material (read here ).

Now that it's summer, I could drop the Housecleaning. Our person will be leaving in July, but the new baby is coming in August, and I simply can't imagine getting all that stuff done with a new baby and a toddler. ALONE. We *have* to hire someone then. Might as well just keep her on for another month and load up on organizational projects and stuff that won't get done for another couple of years.

The babysitting seems pretty important, otherwise I would not get out in the evenings. I felt so isolated and lonely this past semester that the evening socializing seems important, too- although this is a bit iffy. Do I REALLY need to be playing church league volleyball 7 months pregnant? eeeh. (but I LIKE it). The yoga is a definite yes. Absolutely. It makes me sooo happy. :) The other stuff is relatively rare.

There are several other considerations about frequent use of services:
1. It takes organization... so it still requires work
2. It changes your mentality about what you are willing to do... I do dishes less now even when I can. This is a dangerous slippery slope.
3. You have to find people you trust with your child and alone in your house.
4. It adds to Mommyguilt (i.e. some evening I see Boy for only 1 hour)
5. Its money that just "goes away" unlike spending on something you can resell later. It is NOT a good investment monetarily.

Right now, Hub and I chalk it up to simple survival. That seems right. I hope that in 3 or so years things will be manageable, and we can cut back... Or if Hub can COME HOME (or we can be together in some way). But right now, it certainly helps us survive.

Fun Place weekend update

Please see my last post for our options to a logistical problem when the family gets together for a weekend away.

We chose option 2, we parked a car in the economy lot at the airport in Another City and rode together to Fun Place. The extra time in the car was very nice. Also having two parents when it comes time for potty stops is a huge help.

Fun Place was truly fun, and we stayed at a hotel with good services right on the premises of Fun Place. The convenience was soo worth it. What a wonderful weekend!

Another commuter marriage dilemma

So despite the hassle (read here), we are going away for the weekend. Wahoo!

We are all going to Fun Place (right). Dad is on top in Big City, Mom and Boy are left, and Another City is sort of in the middle. Dad can't leave until noon Friday, and Mom and Boy need part of Friday for preparations. Parking at Fun Place is expensive. My european readers; public transport is woefully inadequate, hence we have a two-car problem. This weekend is a big holiday weekend; I expect awful traffic coming out of Big City where Dad is leaving from. How do we solve the logistics?

Option 1. Dad drives 2 hours home, we all drive 4 hours to Fun Place. Then we reverse at end of weekend. This wastes gas, and is harder on Dad- 8 extra hours of driving, Dad would arrive at 2:30p at home, so the family wouldn't arrive until AT BEST 7pm (bedtime for Boy) at Fun Place. Likely later with traffic.

Option 2. Dad and Mom and Boy meet in Another City. We would have to find a place to park car, then drive together from Another City to Fun Place. Most efficient time and gas-wise, the return trip seems easier. It would require research to find where to park car (free is preferable). Another City has a high crime rate; I am worried about leaving a car unattended for the weekend there. We could meet together at about 3pm in Another City; in be in Fun Place by 5-6 pm AT BEST. If Dad gets caught in traffic coming out of Big City, Boy and Mom will have to wait in an unfamiliar place for an unknown length for Dad.

Option 3. Mom and Boy go directly to Fun Place early, and spend time chilling out until Dad arrives. Dad parks the car (for cost) at Fun Place. There would be no ability to ride in the car together, so we'd get less time together (which is precious; and less help with a potentially fussy toddler for Mom). This costs more in gas, parking and traffic hassle, but is simplist in preparation. Boy might be better rested and settled in before bedtime.

Hmmm. What to do???

Do we teach evolution?

I teach science at a Christian college. Do we teach evolution?

ABSOLUTELY.

Pure unadulterated, scientific evolution. Not intelligent design.

How do we handle the Faith vs. Science debate? Well first off, we reject the idea that there is a dichotomy between the two and they are mutually exclusive.

We discuss in several courses (freshman, senior, and a smattering in between) the philosophical underpinnings of various views that people can have everywhere from non-teleological naturalism (it all evolved accidentally and randomly) to non-overlapping magesteria (its really not the business of religion to explain science and vice versa) to seven day creationism (it all happened exactly as outlined in Genesis). And we DO NOT support one of these views in our teaching. The students must choose their own understanding of how scientific evolution fits into their faith.

Now the faculty are (by selection) Christian believers to varying degrees (see here about selection and here about culture at work). And, of course all scientists. I would say that most of my colleagues fit on the left hand side of this scale in their personal beliefs (evolution is completely true as science sees it, but God is somehow the creator), myself included.

It is interesting to see how students come into a Christian college having some pretty strong fundamentalist beliefs about evolution and (usually) leaving with a much deeper understanding of the natural world. I would say most of them find a good "place" that rejects dichotomous thinking between evolution and faith. I certainly wouldn't want to work at a place that did perpetuate the dichotomies.