You, sir, are a boob.

It's summer time and there's only one seminar series going on right now. Luckily, I heard about it from someone else, and showed up to a few. I make it a priority to go to the seminars, because I am interested in nearly everything.

In this seminar series, some pretty impressive people have given talks. There are no signs posted even though speaker #1 told the organizer that this really ought to happen. No e-mails go around reminding others of the talks, or at least none that I or the grad students in my lab receive. Therefore a pathetic 5-6 people show up to these seminars. So my first impression of the organizer is that he is a bit of a dodo.

At the first seminar, I asked good enough questions in the seminars, that one (in-house) speaker asked to talk to me after, saying. "Who are you, I mean, what is your background?" When I talked to her she got excited and said, "Ooh, you have to meet the next speaker. Maybe you can go to lunch with her!!!" The organizer was right there and paying attention. Well, I showed up, interacted during the talk, and and hung around after to meet and perhaps be invited to lunch. Dr. Dodo turned his back to me and escorted the speaker away to lunch, actively avoiding inviting me even when the speaker herself leans back to say, "e-mail me, we'll go to lunch" (we did by the way). Well then there was the last straw. On my way to the talk the grad students in my lab said, "there's a talk today?". Once again, an impressive speaker, great talk, no notifications, tiny audience.

I stopped Dr. Dodo after the talk and asked, "Are these talks open to anyone?" He said "Yes, why?" I said "Neither the grad students in my lab nor I are getting notification of the speakers". He looks at me like I am an annoying gnat, almost rolling his eyes, and said, "Ohhhh, kayyy. There isn't one next week but the last one is in two weeks" in a tone that displays that 1. Its not his problem and 2. I shouldn't have to ask.

Now I've changed my mind. He's not a dodo, which implies simple incompetence, but rather a boob, which implies intentional arrogance combined with some incompetence.

Ph.D. training programs- trying to resist comparisons.

In my sabbatical lab, I am working mainly with graduate students. In trying to relate to them, I have been doing a lot of mental comparisons from my program to theirs. Occasionally I will comment on the differences, but it IS taking a lot of effort to keep my "mouth filter" on the high setting. First off, no one wants to hear how much better it was for you in the good 'ol days. Second, I've been here a few weeks. I really don't know all the details and would be speaking from a position of ignorance. Third, the programs aren't really comparable.

My grad program was large, old, had an institutional training grant, and was associated with a medical school. All students were 100% supported for their entire time of study. The program had many extra-curriculars for the students, and there was good cohesiveness among the student cohorts. We all suffered together. It was rare that the students lingered too long. In fact, at 6.2 years, they were a little worried about me...

My preliminary impression is that these students seems to be staying much longer than might be necessary, and they don't seem to have the journal clubs, "Kandel" clubs, picnics, career and ethics seminar series, etc. that we did. I heard that some of their students have had to take out loans when their advisor didn't get a grant or renewal. I know of at least one that pays for professional meetings out of his own pocket (even when presenting data).

On the other hand, the students in my lab are getting good results, getting papers published, seem to get along well, and  play volleyball together in the evenings.

How about YOU? How did your Ph.D. training program compare to others you know about?



 

Not revealing the blog to the bloggers.

One of the people in my new lab has a blog that is semi-open. That means that she is open with her friends and colleagues about it, but doesn't state her name on the blog itself. Its a good blog that I enjoyed reading. Primarily educational.

I thought of doing the same, but I hesitate. Why the hesitation? I don't really vent too much on it any more. This is primarily because I'm less angry or uptight about things at work and home. Besides the things I want to vent about now are things like the effects of my job and single parenting on my health and marriage. Health and marriage issues are mostly too personal to put out there, though they deserve to be addressed appropriately. Besides venting doesn't make me feel better anymore.

There are still venty-things posted from long ago (4 years  450+ posts, folks!). I could take them down, but I really don't believe that a blog meant to educate interested parties about PUIs and Two- Body Lifestyles should seem primarily sunshine and roses, either, because it is not. Perhaps this is the reason I am still secretive about it.

Sabbatical; the ideal lab experience.

Hooray! I'm on sabbatical!

Our move did not go as well as expected, so it took three days longer than we thought it would. Despite this, I still had about 5 days to just "be" in our new environs before showing up to my host lab.

The first few days in the lab were shadowing a very senior grad student. It felt great for two reasons. The first is that it was all pretty familiar. Grad Student was extremely thorough and showed me every step, and I appreciated that. Everything that is done is done for a reason and all the reasons were familiar. It is much easier to remember details of a procedure if they make sense and fit into the bigger picture (hmm. pedagogical implications...). 

The second reason is because it is all new. I am so happy to learn something new, something for which I have a great background but still have never done. I am particularly looking forward to do something that they don't teach undergrads because it is too technically challenging. Hoo-hah.

I am also completely at ease in the lab. I understand my weaknesses, and am patient with them. I understand my strengths and will let them shine. I am a guest in the lab, so I make no demands about adapting to me (besides, I am quite adaptable), AND, most importantly, this is very low-stakes.

If it goes well, residual insecurities evaporate and I will have great success in the lab. I will feel good about my contribution, will contribute, and will publish. If things go OK, we make progress (and we publish). If things go very badly (and they won't as far as I can tell), I may have cost the lab some supplies. I am free labor for them. I have tenure doing something that requires some, but not daily, success in the lab. In addition, I would feel even better that I chose the teaching route (or it chose me, if you will).

In grad school, the question of success in the lab was extremely high stakes: can I even do this? How good am I? How smart am I? Am I going to be a failure? Am I going to have to go home? Am I going to lose this $60,000 per year scholarship? Failure was full of shame.

In post-doc the question of success in the lab was: what's my future? Will I find a job? Are the weaknesses I discovered in grad school situational or unmalleable characteristics? Will I hover on soft money for the rest of my life? My future rested on my success.
  
Now the question is simply: will I get a publication or two? Will I be able to use any of this in my permanent job?

Considerably different, wouldn't you say?

Which Au Pair (exchange babysitter) would you choose for sabbatical?

Hello, Friends.

Things are really moving (literally) for the sabbatical. I had very serious anxiety about this sabbatical, primarily because of money. We took out a home equity line of credit (excellent credit, btw), and now the problem is mostly solved. No one should have to take out a loan to go on sabbatical. But we make a lot of choices we don't like. Goes with the territory.

For day care, we have decided to go with an Au Pair, and are in the matching process now. Have any of you had Au Pairs, and if so, how did it go? Do you have advice?

I have never met anyone with a Nanny or Au Pair. I figured the terms were synonymous for expensive child care that only rich people could afford. In fact, I looked down a little on the parents who weren't "toughing it out" like I am. In the region we are moving to, Au Pairs are cheaper than regular institutional day care or even home day care. This is a budget friendly move. My eyes have been opened.

I've been explaining to friends that Au Pairs are basically an exchange student, but a babysitter instead. An exchange babysitter, if you will. That means the Au Pair lives with you as a part of your family and takes care of your kids full time. The whole thing is tightly regulated by the state department. For example, you can ask her or him to work whenever you want, but there are regs about how many hours they can work, how much time off they get in a row,  and what tasks they can do. You pay an agency (there are about 12) that takes care of things like screening potential Au Pairs in their home country, screening potential host parents (including inspecting the Au Pair's room), taking care of visas, insurance, training, travel arrangements, support for solving conflicts, etc.  

And then there's matching. As you can imagine, this is a pretty serious deal. Not only are you trusting them with your beloved children, but they are going to live in your house, too. There are lots of good stories online, but some scary ones, too. Read here for more. You don't get to meet them in flesh before they show up. It's a lot like online dating, but all by Skype. I'm having some fun with it, and learning that Hub an I are extremely tolerant.

"I liked her. I could live with her quirks"
"She seemed great. That lack of experience probably won't be too important"
"How sweet. Nevermind the anger issues"

I'm exaggerating, of course.  It seems like we keep coming down to whether we want a conscientious, steady, excellent communicator, who may be less patient with the children's chaos or whether we want a warm, loving, creative, patient somewhat forgetful type. For your info, all else is equivalent... driving experience, age, country of origin. And we are the warm chaotic types, so we are looking for either a complementary person or a person who would understand and perhaps tolerate us better.

Which would you choose?

Decision not finished about day care, but I am at peace.

Thanks readers and responders to my last post. I have taken your comments seriously. Though the decision still rests on my husband, I have voiced my opinion and suddenly feel settled about the whole thing. I want to get an Au Pair.

We will have to take out a loan (the dreaded-but-somewhat-justifiable-of-course-there's-strings-attached In-Law Loan). If Hub disagrees strongly enough and wants to put the kids in a Kid Farm (large institutional daycare), then I will agree with him. See, Hub has very good instincts (took me YEARS to learn that lesson) and is very gentle. So If he guns strongly for something, that's it. That's what needs to be done. There's a strange peace in knowing that the coin only has two sides.

I'll keep you posted to any new developments. Keep commenting though!!!

Help! Au Pair or Day Care?

Getting ready for sabbatical. I worked my entire social network to try to find a live-in Nanny. We got two candidates, both of which withdrew their applications shortly after their graduation. One said she got a job in her field. The other didn't specify. I fell apart a little, but that's for another post.

A live-in Nanny or Au pair (foreign student worker) is really the only way we can afford childcare during my sabbatical in Very Expensive City, because we can deduct the "rent" from our basement apartment from their salary. Or else we can put the kids in an institutional day care like one of those big day care chains for half time (then who takes care of them for the rest of the time?).

A friend suggested an Au Pair because we have a room for one. They have a steep upfront cost for which we would have to take out a loan, but the monthly costs (at least the published ones) are within our budget. Au Pairs are also extremely flexible in scheduling.  I fantasize about this person speaking in their native language to our kids part time, and being a part of the family. I also fantasize about not having the fight to get them dressed and stuffed into a car seat every morning. In this same fantasy, the kids learn at breakneck speed with all the individual attention. And more realistically, if the kids weren't happy, we could "rematch" with a lot of support from the agency. Hub is worried that the kids won't be socialized well. I fantasize that we will make a social network of other kids relatively easily through churches or intentional organizations or Mommy groups.

In the institutional day care, there will be a curriculum, lots of supervision of the kids' caregivers and lots of socialization. However in this particular day care, they have been cited recently for a very stupid abusive treatment of a child. However, that caregiver is long gone, I'm sure. This is the only one that has openings in the area we will live and work.

I realize that on Sabbatical one is to rest but still get scholarship accomplished. The kids don't have to be in day care for 40 hours, but I can't imagine getting a great project accomplished in a year working half time. Besides, part of the ideas was to relieve the heavy burden of being the kids sole caregiver for major portions of the week.

Please? Suggestions? Experiences? Thoughts?