Shhh. Top Secret!

I am updating my CV today. Something is afoot. (Which is always better than being a nostril)

Rock Star uphold the Name

I mentioned a Ph.D. cohort-mate who was doing very well in this post. Well, he just published a textbook-changing glamourmag pub. That is all.

The time of quiet in the soul.

As I posted before, going from teaching to being the low person on the lab totem pole has been a cultural shift. I spoke all day, every day with authority. Now, I am entering a time of quiet for many reasons:
1. I need to listen to those in the lab who know more than I do about techniques and previous literature.
2. In the lab everyone works in silence. People often come in without greeting others and silently sit down to their work.
3. Our new Au Pair is just delightful. We chose her because of her sunshine-y and outgoing personality. She is very social but still spends a lot of time at home (so far), so she chats and chats and chats. At us. Its hard to get a word in edge-wise. It's nice, but leads to quiet from me in our conversations.
4. The Au Pair fell in love with a Mega-church down the street. When I sit in the services, I feel very defensive about something, but my silent resistance doesn't withstand further thoughtful examination. So I sit in the service thinking, "Hey, wait a minute! Oh. Oh, yeah, I guess so." Thoughtful examination usually takes place in quiet.
5. I don't know anyone well enough to complain about the usual litany of political and world event rants. And see #2.
6. The grad students in the lab are pretty senior, and in the "Tunnel Vision" stage. What I have to share/ teach  isn't really interesting to them.
7. With the Au Pair, Hub and I don't have discussions anymore wondering what happened at day care to make Boy or Girl in such a mood.
8. Things are going well, there isn't much to bitch about.
9. I don't have to get Hub caught up on the weekday news he missed.
10. Because my culturally 1980s American jokes jokes are totally lost on this young international crowd: "You hit the volleyball too hard. Lay off on the Wheaties". *blink, blink*

All this is good, good, good for my soul. (chatting a bit more in lab would be fine, though)

Look for more updates to this list as I think about them.

You, sir, are a boob.

It's summer time and there's only one seminar series going on right now. Luckily, I heard about it from someone else, and showed up to a few. I make it a priority to go to the seminars, because I am interested in nearly everything.

In this seminar series, some pretty impressive people have given talks. There are no signs posted even though speaker #1 told the organizer that this really ought to happen. No e-mails go around reminding others of the talks, or at least none that I or the grad students in my lab receive. Therefore a pathetic 5-6 people show up to these seminars. So my first impression of the organizer is that he is a bit of a dodo.

At the first seminar, I asked good enough questions in the seminars, that one (in-house) speaker asked to talk to me after, saying. "Who are you, I mean, what is your background?" When I talked to her she got excited and said, "Ooh, you have to meet the next speaker. Maybe you can go to lunch with her!!!" The organizer was right there and paying attention. Well, I showed up, interacted during the talk, and and hung around after to meet and perhaps be invited to lunch. Dr. Dodo turned his back to me and escorted the speaker away to lunch, actively avoiding inviting me even when the speaker herself leans back to say, "e-mail me, we'll go to lunch" (we did by the way). Well then there was the last straw. On my way to the talk the grad students in my lab said, "there's a talk today?". Once again, an impressive speaker, great talk, no notifications, tiny audience.

I stopped Dr. Dodo after the talk and asked, "Are these talks open to anyone?" He said "Yes, why?" I said "Neither the grad students in my lab nor I are getting notification of the speakers". He looks at me like I am an annoying gnat, almost rolling his eyes, and said, "Ohhhh, kayyy. There isn't one next week but the last one is in two weeks" in a tone that displays that 1. Its not his problem and 2. I shouldn't have to ask.

Now I've changed my mind. He's not a dodo, which implies simple incompetence, but rather a boob, which implies intentional arrogance combined with some incompetence.

Ph.D. training programs- trying to resist comparisons.

In my sabbatical lab, I am working mainly with graduate students. In trying to relate to them, I have been doing a lot of mental comparisons from my program to theirs. Occasionally I will comment on the differences, but it IS taking a lot of effort to keep my "mouth filter" on the high setting. First off, no one wants to hear how much better it was for you in the good 'ol days. Second, I've been here a few weeks. I really don't know all the details and would be speaking from a position of ignorance. Third, the programs aren't really comparable.

My grad program was large, old, had an institutional training grant, and was associated with a medical school. All students were 100% supported for their entire time of study. The program had many extra-curriculars for the students, and there was good cohesiveness among the student cohorts. We all suffered together. It was rare that the students lingered too long. In fact, at 6.2 years, they were a little worried about me...

My preliminary impression is that these students seems to be staying much longer than might be necessary, and they don't seem to have the journal clubs, "Kandel" clubs, picnics, career and ethics seminar series, etc. that we did. I heard that some of their students have had to take out loans when their advisor didn't get a grant or renewal. I know of at least one that pays for professional meetings out of his own pocket (even when presenting data).

On the other hand, the students in my lab are getting good results, getting papers published, seem to get along well, and  play volleyball together in the evenings.

How about YOU? How did your Ph.D. training program compare to others you know about?



 

Not revealing the blog to the bloggers.

One of the people in my new lab has a blog that is semi-open. That means that she is open with her friends and colleagues about it, but doesn't state her name on the blog itself. Its a good blog that I enjoyed reading. Primarily educational.

I thought of doing the same, but I hesitate. Why the hesitation? I don't really vent too much on it any more. This is primarily because I'm less angry or uptight about things at work and home. Besides the things I want to vent about now are things like the effects of my job and single parenting on my health and marriage. Health and marriage issues are mostly too personal to put out there, though they deserve to be addressed appropriately. Besides venting doesn't make me feel better anymore.

There are still venty-things posted from long ago (4 years  450+ posts, folks!). I could take them down, but I really don't believe that a blog meant to educate interested parties about PUIs and Two- Body Lifestyles should seem primarily sunshine and roses, either, because it is not. Perhaps this is the reason I am still secretive about it.

Sabbatical; the ideal lab experience.

Hooray! I'm on sabbatical!

Our move did not go as well as expected, so it took three days longer than we thought it would. Despite this, I still had about 5 days to just "be" in our new environs before showing up to my host lab.

The first few days in the lab were shadowing a very senior grad student. It felt great for two reasons. The first is that it was all pretty familiar. Grad Student was extremely thorough and showed me every step, and I appreciated that. Everything that is done is done for a reason and all the reasons were familiar. It is much easier to remember details of a procedure if they make sense and fit into the bigger picture (hmm. pedagogical implications...). 

The second reason is because it is all new. I am so happy to learn something new, something for which I have a great background but still have never done. I am particularly looking forward to do something that they don't teach undergrads because it is too technically challenging. Hoo-hah.

I am also completely at ease in the lab. I understand my weaknesses, and am patient with them. I understand my strengths and will let them shine. I am a guest in the lab, so I make no demands about adapting to me (besides, I am quite adaptable), AND, most importantly, this is very low-stakes.

If it goes well, residual insecurities evaporate and I will have great success in the lab. I will feel good about my contribution, will contribute, and will publish. If things go OK, we make progress (and we publish). If things go very badly (and they won't as far as I can tell), I may have cost the lab some supplies. I am free labor for them. I have tenure doing something that requires some, but not daily, success in the lab. In addition, I would feel even better that I chose the teaching route (or it chose me, if you will).

In grad school, the question of success in the lab was extremely high stakes: can I even do this? How good am I? How smart am I? Am I going to be a failure? Am I going to have to go home? Am I going to lose this $60,000 per year scholarship? Failure was full of shame.

In post-doc the question of success in the lab was: what's my future? Will I find a job? Are the weaknesses I discovered in grad school situational or unmalleable characteristics? Will I hover on soft money for the rest of my life? My future rested on my success.
  
Now the question is simply: will I get a publication or two? Will I be able to use any of this in my permanent job?

Considerably different, wouldn't you say?